4th Person

I’m not a huge fan of “Colas”, I can drink the stuff and like mixing it with chasers, I prefer Pepsi to Coca Cola but would have a Lemonade, Cream Soda or Red Bull if I was forced into having a fizzy soft drink. But a few days ago I found myself staring at a wall of cans as I went to pay for my diesel.

I wasn’t really thirsty and probably wouldn’t have thought twice about buying a drink under normal circumstances but the presentation of a beautifully crafted wall made of blue and red cans was too much to take, and so I gave in. At the price of £1.35

I gave in!! Now looking back that’s a shite load of money for a can of cola, but it was so shiny and kept calling “buy my, buy me” and yes I paid for it, so imagine my disappointment when I finally got around to drinking the poxy thing. My initial reaction was “hhummm … different” but that soon wore off when I realised what I was actually tasting was defrosted ice poles (Icebergs).

£1.35 for a warm ice pole!!!

Further tests have to be carried out….

Once again more proof that a dog is just another piece of jewellery in some people’s eyes.   A dog, (Staffordshire bull terrier) called “ASBO” has been destroyed by police after it attacked three people and a baby in South London.

A 29 year old woman has been bailed until November.  Now from what I have seen when I used to live in South East London, these “Stafs” are paraded around by the common “Chav” on all council estates.  Many times did I hear the words “I’ll set ‘im on ya” without a second thought to what damage this animal could inflict.  

Clearly this woman is a chav, a little slow, probable wears adidas track suit bottoms, white trainers, a hoody and a baseball cap, she may have banged her head a couple of times in the past or has trouble standing up in the morning because no one in their right mind would call a dangerous dog ASBO unless they thought obtaining an ASBO was the sign of an ultimate bad ass and not to be messed with.
 
When I hear these stories I wish that there was a way of vetting these people before they can get their hand a new toy, instead of one of their buddies breeding them and selling them on for a quick £100.

But where do you start…?

I saw this on the BBC world news page…

“ An estranged couple in Cambodia have sawed their house in half to avoid the country's convoluted divorce process.
Moeun Rim and his wife, Nhanh, who have been married nearly 40 years, split the building last week following an argument, local officials said.
Mr Rim has removed his share of the property and the couple have also divided their land into four parts; two for their children, and two for them.
Divorce cases in Cambodia can be costly and may take a long time to settle.”

The piece also has the picture below with the caption…

“Mr Rim's half of the house has been moved to an undisclosed location.”

I’m guessing that his new neighbours may find out who he is when he turns up with half a house, I also notice she kept the stairs to the front door!!

Well, what a few days it’s been. A two year olds party and two near death experiences, and yes, I know that they do come in threes so I’ll have to keep my eyes open. I’ll start with the fun stuff first.

Kimi, my daughter, has turned the big 2 (25th Aug). Thank you to everyone who sent cards, prezzies, birthday wishes or who came to the joint party of Sam and Kimi. Loads of giggles and laughs were had and not a tear in sight (Phew!).

Next the first near death experience.

It happened on Tuesday 26th Aug in Southend-on-sea. I was heading to a job during work, walking along the pavement when I heard the wheel spin of tyres behind me, as I looked around a saw a blue Citroen Saxo flying past me. The car mounted the pavement on the other side and continued to accelerate. It then brushed the wall of a building and slammed into a double letterbox. The impact was enough to lift the whole car in the air at least 2ft.

After coming to rest to my amazement people started to panic! Some people shouting “Get her out”, others shouting “Leave her alone, don’t move her”, one man even started shouting “Fire! Fire!, the cars on fire” at which point I told him it was only the gas from the air bag that he could see and the car wasn’t on fire.

A number of people phoned for and Ambulance and the lady, who was about 60-65, was taken away. After it was all over I thought what could have happened….

1. I nearly crossed the road so would have been in the path of the car… ouch!

2. The letterbox stopped the car from continuing into a pedestrianised area where tens of people, including children, were walking.

3. People actually wanted to remove this fortunate/unfortunate lady from her car without a second thought!?!!?!

All I can say is that I glad none of the above happened.

My only conclusion to this accident is that the lady got into her car (which was an automatic) and must have had the car in drive with her foot on the accelerator as she turned the engine on.

My second near death experience.

I was driving back from Braintree after dropping my brother and sister-in-law off to go on holiday. Now immediately outside the village that I live in is a national speed limit zone and although very bendy, there one or two over taking places.

Anyway I came round one of these bends to find a car heading straight towards me. Now this guy must have been doing 85+ while he was over taking three cars. And as we crossed paths there was little more than two car lengths. Once again ouch.

I am now awaiting a grand piano to finish me off in some bizarre way…………….

On a lighter note, as I write this we are in the Bers already! I.e. September, October….

Wouldn’t it be great if things were just simply to use? Wouldn’t it be fabulous if the simplest things were even simpler to use. Wouldn’t it be uplifting if one of the most simple invention created by man wasn’t there to take the piss and make you look stupid every time you used it in public. What am I talking about? The humble door.

Now I know everyone has done this from time to time so either laugh, roll your eyes or nod with a silly smile on your face towards the door that says “Push” but has a handle to “Pull”. Why must the sign “Push” include a handle, I see a handle on a door so I pull, and yet the door does not open, and in that instant you think “bloody hell” or “what again?”

So I ask whoever is responsible, please do not combine a “Push” with a handle.

I must say that I’m a little pissed at Argos. Why?? Well, my girlfriend (Amanda, some of you guys will know her) and I bought a football goal for our sons 5th birthday. After a little hunting around we decided to buy one from our local Argos store. We found the one we liked, bought it, and wrapped it up.

Jacob opened his prezzie and was delighted. Then came the build. All was fine until I checked the picture against the goal I had just put up and noticed that they were completely different! Bastards!

We checked the pictures again, Bastards! We checked the order numbers, all ok there.

So what can we do? We couldn’t take it down as that would have left scars that doth run deep. So a very well worded e-mail followed the next day. Needless to say a very short and crap reply followed in which they stated that “they are sorry, and will alter their catalogue accordingly.” Thanks Argos

I know they didn’t ruin my sons birthday, but it cheesed us both off no end. Bastards!

I would just like to express and extend my thanks and gratitude to the cyclist who made my day today. First let me set the scene….

I’m waiting at traffic lights,

The cyclist in question rides down the inside of about five stationary cars behind me,

The cyclist then starts to realise the gap between the stationary cars and the curb is getting smaller and smaller,

The cyclist then notices my wing mirror and her hand will meet if she does not stop,

The cyclist brakes hard and, at the same time, starts to bounce on her left foot in the hope of averting a collision,

Ouch!

The cyclist then proceeds to pull up in front of me but with no acknowledgment of what has just happened,

I then shout out “Sorry for getting in your way!” by which time she had started shaking and blowing on her hand,

Then to top it off, a small trickle of blood. GET IN!

I don't know if it's just me but I'm getting more and more frustrated with people being rude in their cars. 

It's probably because I've hit 30 but I find people ignoring me when I've stopped, better yet pulled over to let them through, more and more irratating! Bastards!  It dosn't take alot to say thank you, a mear flash of the lights or a wave of the hand will do, and NO, barely rasing a finger is not saying thank you, you lazy bunch of gits.